Coming Out

Coming out was an experience which i will not forget quickly. I mean, it had always been obvious that the only thing straight about me is my hair and my taste in vodka, and on occasion, my spine and mind. I have always, and always will stand up for myself, and more often than not my LGBT brothers, sisters and others. I try to educate the naive and explain important things to the ignorant to try to make them understand. I create more safe spaces for myself and other people that way. Fear is a prison, and i do not like the feeling of being trapped in my own friendship group. That is what i told my friend who asked me why i came out. He said that eh would simply just tell people if they asked instead of broadcast it, and i politely told him that it is not as simple as that. And it is not just the once; i have to come out all of the time. Every day is national coming out day, every time i meet someone new i have to make the decision to do so. I mean, the first time i came out was the most daunting and the most awkward, but it gave me an enormous sense of comfort afterwards, like i knew they wouldn’t judge me after finding out my biggest secret and one of the most important things i have discovered about myself. Then of course i came out to my mother after practising on a few friends that lived far away. I did so in the pub; cliché for a butch person, and after the shock wore off things were alright and still are today. 

Coming out is an important right of passage though, and i did not take it lightly. nor do others unfortunately, and i have lost a lot of friends, so by being openly gay i can protect myself from making friends with people who i would only end up losing later. I come out to make it known that nobody can insult me either. I mean, the saying goes that, the people who care don't matter, and the people that matter don't care, but what happens when someone who matters to me cares? Coming out is also important so you can eradicate the people in your life who are hostile or constantly put you down with their snide comments or the anger they put into their views. One of my mother’s boyfriends is a good example of this. Even after, or in fact, because i did make my sexuality known to him the comments began. “you are trying too hard to be male” “Is that a man’s curb chain? Its nice...but you need to get female jewellery.” It pisses me off beyond belief, because I’ve spent my whole life trying too hard to be female, and the only way i can reflect the way i feel inside is through my wardrobe. I get it from close friends as well. “Why are you wearing that bracelet? You like a straight man. I hate straight men.” and “When you do move in i will throw away all of your lesbian items” but what people need to understand is that this is who i am, and the more people i say that too and the more people who come out, the sooner everything will become much more accepting and easier, but until that day there will always be days when i think, ”if i dress like a girl i hate myself, and if i dress like a guy everyone hates me, if i dress in my birthday suit i am arrested, there is no pleasing you fucking vultures!”