Pride

Being at pride, as thrilling and wonderful as it was, made me feel very alien for a little while, because it made me look at myself and where i fit into the community. I felt like I had been put in at the deep end and that i certainly fit in better with the transgender community. It was as if I was still in the closet even at pride because when people asked if I was a lesbian i said yes, and yet I felt far from it: It was obvious to me that I was very different from the women there. I was much taller for starters, and it felt odd to have to try and match the masculinity of ‘other’ women. That was somewhat unnerving, looking at female identifying women who were butcher than me. it made me doubt my identity somewhat, and I came to a half asked conclusion that i'm very much bisexual, just because i enjoy the company of men so much. Women, as beautiful as they are, are something which i'm not and being with them is a privilege, while being with men is exceedingly comfortable. Perhaps I need to throw myself out of my comfort zone even more and learn how to approach women a little better.