It is in my blood and in my nature to see men as my brothers and women as ‘something else’, something that I am far from being, something that I don’t understand, and that's what makes them so fascinating. That's why men aren’t all that interesting to me sexually; I see too much of myself in their personality and their habits. That being said, I don’t really find anyone all that attractive. Sometimes I feel somewhat asexual. I don’t really see many people in the street or in the media that I find fanciable. I also find myself struggling to differentiate between people that I fancy and people I want to be or just be very good friends with. On occasion its both, but of course I would never let them know that.
I can only imagine that your girlfriend telling you she actually identifies more with men is very hard to stomach. That is why I am incredibly closed when in a relationship, and I have yet to come out to a partner about my gender identity issues. I also feel as though the person who loves less in a relationship has all of the power. Its a defense mechanism, and I have a habit of finishing with people, be them friends or more, either before they discover my gender and finish with me, or before I start to care deeply for them myself.
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