Friend: “Im gonna eat your tablets and grow a better
beard!”
Me: “Im taking them to be a woman, not be a man!”
Friend: “Oh, well...to grow a better whom then!”
I told people I take pills for my hormones in the morning and ther first reaction is "what, to make you a boy?" i suppose i should take this as a compliment in some ways, i mean, it is not exactly an insult, it is just scarily true. I suppose i am more masculine than i give myself credit for, which certainly does cheer me up.
It is scary to think I might be outed without consent though, just though basic guess work. Then again, i suppose in many ways i want people to know, and that is why i occasionally mention doctors appointments and things. it is just nice to know that somebody knows what i am going through, and sometimes it is essential that people know.
I have adopted the “don’t ask don’t tell” method, which sound ironic and ridiculous I know, but if i'm sleeping over and pop my pills and they ask what they are, then chances are i will tell them about a hormone imbalance at the very least. That conversation always leads to daft follow up questions which in reflection never cease to make me giggle, such as “What would you do if you took all your hormone pills at once?” well, "Idk, probably nothing, or I might wake up skinny and blonde..." and even the startlingly accurate talk of “If i were you i would just cut my tits off with a kitchen knife, burn them on the kitchen hob to stop the bleeding and get a dick sewn on really, because i cant be asked to take all thos tablets everyday.” Lord knows that i have debated that turn of events, after all, being a girl is such a drag. I can only begin to imagine the horrors that transwomen go through to look more feminine. There have been times when i have thought that puberty is a fucking joke, because what it did first time was fine, but what its doing now makes me want to cry, or atleast, it did, until I realised that I could rock some serious stubble. Still, I need to consciously cover my beard and twist and contort myself to fit into womens clothes, somewhat similarly to a drag queen, which si somewhat strange given femin itiy isn’t what i really want to portray.
Shaving, or manscaping as i liek to put it, is another thing i must attempt to alter to make walking around a little easier. i went to the doctors with my friend so he could have a heart scan once. It was nothing serious thankfully, infact his only qualm with it was the thought of “What if the doctors shave my chest? They're gonna shave my chest!” and i retorted with “Welcome to my world... If i don’t shave every inch of my body i look like teen wolf”. I then trod on the back of his heels by accident. “Sorry”, i said, “ mans got big feet...”
“'Rub it in”, he said, “because you know what they day about big feet ...
“What, big feet, big shoes, big socks, big hands...which incidentally is as good as it gets for me” I stated.
We laughed, but he kind of frowned a little and I could see that he tried to think about it a bit too much. I felt more than a little awkward after that. It reminded me of a previous discussion some people were having bout their psychology and David Reimer. It was a discussion of how weird a micro-penis was. I thought that i couldn’t be too uncharacteristically quiwt during it, so in order to save face i said “can we change the subject, because i don’t like dick at the best of times.” The boys laughed, then didn’t drop it, saying ,
“ imagine that though, having a micro-penis.”
“i will, the next time i have to sit down to piss.”
That. Was. Awkward. I doubt that they noticed, but I was more than a little shaken by the encounter. So to summarise, there are some things about my body that i want people to know, and some things that I don’t. There are some things I change for convenience, and others that I want to change for my own sense of well being. I guess that is normal, though, for friends to not want friends to know about the composition of their genitalia.
Me: “Im taking them to be a woman, not be a man!”
Friend: “Oh, well...to grow a better whom then!”
I told people I take pills for my hormones in the morning and ther first reaction is "what, to make you a boy?" i suppose i should take this as a compliment in some ways, i mean, it is not exactly an insult, it is just scarily true. I suppose i am more masculine than i give myself credit for, which certainly does cheer me up.
It is scary to think I might be outed without consent though, just though basic guess work. Then again, i suppose in many ways i want people to know, and that is why i occasionally mention doctors appointments and things. it is just nice to know that somebody knows what i am going through, and sometimes it is essential that people know.
I have adopted the “don’t ask don’t tell” method, which sound ironic and ridiculous I know, but if i'm sleeping over and pop my pills and they ask what they are, then chances are i will tell them about a hormone imbalance at the very least. That conversation always leads to daft follow up questions which in reflection never cease to make me giggle, such as “What would you do if you took all your hormone pills at once?” well, "Idk, probably nothing, or I might wake up skinny and blonde..." and even the startlingly accurate talk of “If i were you i would just cut my tits off with a kitchen knife, burn them on the kitchen hob to stop the bleeding and get a dick sewn on really, because i cant be asked to take all thos tablets everyday.” Lord knows that i have debated that turn of events, after all, being a girl is such a drag. I can only begin to imagine the horrors that transwomen go through to look more feminine. There have been times when i have thought that puberty is a fucking joke, because what it did first time was fine, but what its doing now makes me want to cry, or atleast, it did, until I realised that I could rock some serious stubble. Still, I need to consciously cover my beard and twist and contort myself to fit into womens clothes, somewhat similarly to a drag queen, which si somewhat strange given femin itiy isn’t what i really want to portray.
Shaving, or manscaping as i liek to put it, is another thing i must attempt to alter to make walking around a little easier. i went to the doctors with my friend so he could have a heart scan once. It was nothing serious thankfully, infact his only qualm with it was the thought of “What if the doctors shave my chest? They're gonna shave my chest!” and i retorted with “Welcome to my world... If i don’t shave every inch of my body i look like teen wolf”. I then trod on the back of his heels by accident. “Sorry”, i said, “ mans got big feet...”
“'Rub it in”, he said, “because you know what they day about big feet ...
“What, big feet, big shoes, big socks, big hands...which incidentally is as good as it gets for me” I stated.
We laughed, but he kind of frowned a little and I could see that he tried to think about it a bit too much. I felt more than a little awkward after that. It reminded me of a previous discussion some people were having bout their psychology and David Reimer. It was a discussion of how weird a micro-penis was. I thought that i couldn’t be too uncharacteristically quiwt during it, so in order to save face i said “can we change the subject, because i don’t like dick at the best of times.” The boys laughed, then didn’t drop it, saying ,
“ imagine that though, having a micro-penis.”
“i will, the next time i have to sit down to piss.”
That. Was. Awkward. I doubt that they noticed, but I was more than a little shaken by the encounter. So to summarise, there are some things about my body that i want people to know, and some things that I don’t. There are some things I change for convenience, and others that I want to change for my own sense of well being. I guess that is normal, though, for friends to not want friends to know about the composition of their genitalia.
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