Just when I thought I was causing my own problems and inventing an
identity and dreaming, head in the clouds, of some odd gender identity and
assumed lack of compatibility with any partner. But I had a nap, and when I
woke up my first thought was why am I in a dress, where's my jeans, Tee and
blazer? Cos its nice to look nice ah? And if i'd seen a guy friend at that
moment I would've felt very ashamed, accept, this wasn't about anyone else.
I laquor my nails in front of them when I want to because although I talk about feeling and acting male or female, its all just stereotypical, because deep down I encourage tranarchy and I want to fuck the gender binary from behind and I always do, I often do, but I occasionally want to go under the radar. I want to fit in, or I naturally tend to sometimes, heels and all. Either way I realised that l am never gonna escape all of this and none of this is ever going to get any less complicated or easier.
It is not a phase, worryingly so, and I haven't bought it upon myself because I am used to standing out too much,but I wish It was just a phase, and that I would be normal, but I am not, and so I embrace it. Fuck them all, fuck society, fuck everyone who won't give me the time of day because of how I dress, however...that's not real life. Humans are cruel. And I am desperate for attention and confirmation that I am a decent person. I crave human interaction. So that means hiding myself to make freinds, ridiculous I know, and counterproductive, but I need friends to function, even if I must be in the closet, in all of the closets possible, in order to function. It is somewhat damaging and very essential, but it has got to the point where I'v lost track of what ones I'm in and to who i'm out to.
I laquor my nails in front of them when I want to because although I talk about feeling and acting male or female, its all just stereotypical, because deep down I encourage tranarchy and I want to fuck the gender binary from behind and I always do, I often do, but I occasionally want to go under the radar. I want to fit in, or I naturally tend to sometimes, heels and all. Either way I realised that l am never gonna escape all of this and none of this is ever going to get any less complicated or easier.
It is not a phase, worryingly so, and I haven't bought it upon myself because I am used to standing out too much,but I wish It was just a phase, and that I would be normal, but I am not, and so I embrace it. Fuck them all, fuck society, fuck everyone who won't give me the time of day because of how I dress, however...that's not real life. Humans are cruel. And I am desperate for attention and confirmation that I am a decent person. I crave human interaction. So that means hiding myself to make freinds, ridiculous I know, and counterproductive, but I need friends to function, even if I must be in the closet, in all of the closets possible, in order to function. It is somewhat damaging and very essential, but it has got to the point where I'v lost track of what ones I'm in and to who i'm out to.
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