Infamous

If you would've told me 10 years ago that I would be depressed I wouldn't believe you, but if you'd told me 3 years ago that it would get better I wouldn't have believed you either. For better or for worse, the future is unknown. Speaking of unknown, I want my grave to read "unknown" because nobody really knows anything about me, even my gender: the most fundamental thing that most people don't even think to question, nobody really knows what mine is. The voice and the thoughts in my head are so different to the voice and what I say on the outside. that is unnerving in itself, but what is worse is the fact that nobody knows anything about me, so to be labelled as "unknown" is a fitting description of my body, my legacy and my soul. 

You think I'm a slut? A dyke? Hopelessly sarcastic, blunt, and rude? Well I learned from the best, and at least I'm being thought of. I have always been, for better or for worse, a famous, fabulous fucking whore and whoever says that's not a good thing to be needs to remember that I will be remembered and they sure as hell wont. Granted, I will most likely be remembered for being a freak or joining the circus. I mean, my body already belongs to science, so i'm not too sure why my wishes to be stuffed and put into the Ripley's Believe it or not Museum are met with disapproving head shakes and hidden smirks. 

You see, my sense of humor consists of seething tuts about my gender, but gender is one of the last taboos, and if I am to be a born spokesperson for it then i'm about to give it my all. After all, if there is a God, then maybe this is what I was born for, and if the God is Shiva, then I may very well consider myself closer to them or a ‘fallen’ angel. I mean, I was probably kicked out of heaven like Loki. He was another who could alternate genders, and they didn't put that in the Marvel film. I guess my point is that, if you forget all of the odd ramblings and intimate details of a sexual nature, then being remembered for all that I have written relating to gender will probably not be the worst thing in the world. if I have touched but one person who has been as confused, lost and alone as i have then that is a legacy worth sharing and speaking about, so whoever is reading this can by all means attend my funeral, because I can guarentee that the 'closest' of friends and family will not be there.