Privileged people don’t have to worry about
things that others have to take into consideration. A lot of my guy friends
look at me questioningly/expectantly for me to join their social group and have
a chat. Call me lazy, shy, faithless or all of the above, the fact of the matter
is that I don’t want to be subjected to so much ridicule in such a short space of
time.
Being stared at by strangers is fine; they are strangers, but I would rather not sit awkwardly next to my friend while his friends try to come to a conclusion about my gender. They don’t seem to notice the fact that most groups of men will either treat me as some sort of odd lesbian mascot, completely ignore anything that I have to say or try to chat me up. This makes for a very awkward series of social interactions, and I don’t care to deal with them at all. it makes me feel emasculated against my friend too.
I cant help but compare myself to a lot of guy friends to try and figure out more about myself. I spoke my mind once, saying, "I seem to be more masculine than most men" which was met with , "and what your point?", which made me realise that first of all, i need to watch what I say more. secondly, nobody else really seems to care about gender anywhere near as much as I do some days and thirdly but most importantly other makes masculinity should not be compared to or validate and invalidate my identity.
But what they always fail to notice is the odd, foul little niggling comments that do still have the ability to ruin my day. A good of example of this is when I was with my friend from college. We walk to Sainsbury's quiet a lot during the week to get lunch. We happened to end up with someone else in our entourage. He said that the new guy was a dickhead, I agreed, but before I could expand as to why he said it was because he was bragging about how much money had. Its like, no, that's not why hes a dickhead. Hes a dickhead because when I said I got lucky at a club he said ‘you should have invited a guy back with you and had a threesome, that's hot’. No. No, that's not at all hot, because I'm not by any stretch of the imagination a porn star and if any other guy said he had got lucky he would’ve said well done mate and left it at that or asked for details. Awkward.
Being stared at by strangers is fine; they are strangers, but I would rather not sit awkwardly next to my friend while his friends try to come to a conclusion about my gender. They don’t seem to notice the fact that most groups of men will either treat me as some sort of odd lesbian mascot, completely ignore anything that I have to say or try to chat me up. This makes for a very awkward series of social interactions, and I don’t care to deal with them at all. it makes me feel emasculated against my friend too.
I cant help but compare myself to a lot of guy friends to try and figure out more about myself. I spoke my mind once, saying, "I seem to be more masculine than most men" which was met with , "and what your point?", which made me realise that first of all, i need to watch what I say more. secondly, nobody else really seems to care about gender anywhere near as much as I do some days and thirdly but most importantly other makes masculinity should not be compared to or validate and invalidate my identity.
But what they always fail to notice is the odd, foul little niggling comments that do still have the ability to ruin my day. A good of example of this is when I was with my friend from college. We walk to Sainsbury's quiet a lot during the week to get lunch. We happened to end up with someone else in our entourage. He said that the new guy was a dickhead, I agreed, but before I could expand as to why he said it was because he was bragging about how much money had. Its like, no, that's not why hes a dickhead. Hes a dickhead because when I said I got lucky at a club he said ‘you should have invited a guy back with you and had a threesome, that's hot’. No. No, that's not at all hot, because I'm not by any stretch of the imagination a porn star and if any other guy said he had got lucky he would’ve said well done mate and left it at that or asked for details. Awkward.
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