InterSexy

I've discovered that I am some what turned off by foreplay, as I don’t care to be touched like a woman. there are many things which I never truly noticed or picked up on about being closeted trans* and in a relationship with a man. I like wearing heels, not because I feel vulnerable and pretty for him, but because I am taller. I like it rough, not because I feel taken by him, but because it brings a more masculine energy to the act, and I never did care for mixing love and sex; I do not associate the two, or overly enjoy making love.  

Someone once said to me, or I read it somewhere at least, that gay people are self obsessed to the point that they find themselves attractive: they like to seek out partners that are alike themselves. I remember talking to one of my friends brothers about sex. We had all gone clubbing and we proceeded to talk about lesbianism and experiences and everything in between. I had rehearsed this sort of conversation in my head over and over before, but then my friend took me by surprise and asked me if I had ever masturbated and turned myself on, because I could imagine my genitals as being someone else's. I had never really thought about it before, but maybe I had. I had certainly masturbated and imagined my genitals being something else before.

This being said, there is no real correlation between my attraction and my gender, sometimes i'm a straight guy, a gay guy, a straight girl, a gay girl, but what i've discovered is that the only time I can get off is when i'm watching gay porn of either gender, because that way I can imagine myself being dominant and dominated simultaneously, and if the two bodies are not so different then I am not forced to pick one or the other to associate myself with. It has gotten to the point where consciously and subconsciously I cannot see myself as either a boy or a girl because i'm so merged into one. Lets forget for a moment the stereotypical gay complaint about straight porn being boring and too soft. That's not why I don't watch it. Essentially, straight porn just makes me so self conscious that I just look at the couple, realize that I cant ever get it up like that or lay there like that, and I get so confused and body conscious what started as a solo sex act has left me feeling somewhat suicidal. 

Queer porn is the shit though, all that hair and body mods and the blend of both secondary sex characteristics is majestic, raw, powerful, poetic, intriguing and just overall sexy as fuck to me. Besides, lets be honest here. Who wouldn't want to know that there is porn out there with people who have a similar physical composition to you, with people who are genuinely attracted to it? Given that my very existence is not usually recognized, or is more often than not seen as disgusting, this is exactly the sort of confidence boost I need. Plus Buck Angel is a more life affirming role model than Chaz Bono...